Nelson’s latest book explores 21 life lessons to be a better you.
Be the One You Need by Sophia A. Nelson. Health Communications. pp.368. $17.95.
Konstantin Rega: When did you come to Virginia?
Sophia A. Nelson: I initially came here as a first-year law student at Washington and Lee University in 1991. After a short return to New Jersey following law school, I came back to work on Capitol Hill in 1997 and Virginia’s been my home ever since.
Where did the idea for Be the One You Need come from?
I write for a number of outlets and was a scholar at Christopher Newport University. After having caught COVID twice, I faced my mortality and had a parent at home who was sick. So the book started with taking a look inward and realizing that I wanted to do so much more. It really made me pivot and realize that every moment was special. I asked myself, “What do I want? What do I need? And how am I feeling?”
When you get to your 50s, you’re supposed to be the wise woman in the room, and your job is to help younger women as well as all the rest of mankind. And I try to live my life that way.
How did the lessons in this book come about?
Most people go through life asking “What’s wrong with me?” The right question to ask is, “What Happened to You?” And I got that from the book by Oprah, What Happened To You? Being a classic textbook type-A, and coming from a dysfunctional family, that was how I coped—doing everything right.
In the book, I start with the family. Whether we like it or not, that’s where it all starts; whether you had the Brady Bunch or the Adams Family. We are creatures of what we come from, of who raised us, the values we were given. Adulthood is what we spend our entire lives overcoming our childhood. The first section is my favorite, as it’s “notes to my younger self.” The basic premise (a deeper dive into self-care), is to challenge you, test you, and to take deeper dive into you. We are relational, spiritual, and emotional creatures, physical in our needs and how we do things. At the end of the day, we are creatures that need to be connected to other people.
With the new generation, the way they communicate is through devices. I see it as very broken, not deep or rooted. It’s not their fault, it’s their devices and shooting drills. They will cut you off, they will not abide like the way older generations do. Human beings are messy though and we have to talk and listen. We are not communicating well because generationally we learned to communicate differently. My parent’s generation would knock on the door, mine would just call on the telephone, and now it’s texting.
And what do you want readers to get out of this?
At the end of the day, the only person that I can change in this world of chaos is me. Self-care is understanding that I want a better life and to leave something behind that you’re proud of. You’re better at everything when you love and like yourself.
We are now trying to adapt to things that we shouldn’t be living with. Change starts with love and that starts with the self. This book is not for the faint of heart. If you are tired of taking care of everyone else but you, you’re not living the right way. Not human doings. Human beings. It starts with us as individuals. Virginia’s for lovers, for people who love life and the beauty of the state, and we have to walk the walk in our daily life.
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